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The Dictator

     If you want to go see the most racist, sexist, or overall politically incorrect film, go see The Dictator. It's all about Sacha Baron Cohen's character, Admiral General Aladeen, and his want to keep his country of Wadya a dictatorship. Now, normally I'm not a fan of Cohen's films. Penis jokes can only go on for so long, but this movie was a pleasant surprise.

     The humor was the same as all the other movies you get from Cohen. The dislike of almost all the races, a bunch of reproductive parts being used in 50 different ways, and the occasional barf moment. I was hoping for more terrorist jokes...Maybe it was too soon.

     I feel like this movie came out at a perfect time. America is just about to start up elections, the rest of the world is at the verge of screw up, and Kim Jong Il has been dead for about half a year. This movie gave a slap in the face to all the governments and you know what? They deserve it. So, Thank you Sacha Baron Cohen for letting people know that they need to clean up this mess, because it's getting gross. 

A trailer for you guys.

Ten Gallon Hats and My Pet Cow

     If you're ever in the southern part of the United States you should come visit Texas. The land of cowboy boots,  Ford F150's, and Republicans. Everyone here is proud of who they are, including me. Except, I don't fall into any of the categories I mentioned before, but that's OK!
   
     Texans have a certain pride that you don't find anywhere else. We make sure that everyone knows exactly who they're dealing with. Just to prove it, go out and pick off a random Japanese kid and draw him a picture of Texas. I bet you 20 armadillos that he'll know what it is. To take it a step further, we're the only state that devotes two years of history class to Texas history. You'll spend all of fourth and seventh grade learning about Texas and you'll finally understand why Sixflags is called what it is.

     As a red blooded Texan, living here is a roller coaster ride, but one thing is always certain, the people never forget the southern hospitality, unless you're driving. The driving here is a nightmare, and it's because it's our only form of transportation. There are no taxis, because that's just weird. There is a metro system, but no one uses it, unless you're in the middle of downtown Houston, and walking is not possible unless a) you want to burn or b) you want your legs to fall off, because the nearest thing to your house is about 3 miles away. Remember, besides our friendly, isolated state, Alaska, Texas is the biggest state. When we build, we build out, not up. That's why you can drive for an hour and still be in Houston.

     The best thing about living in Texas is the Rodeo. Every February thousands of people come to Houston to buy and sell their farm animals, play carnival games, get a heart attacks from eating fried butter balls, and at the end of the day, enjoy live music from some famous singer who had the gonads to perform.

     Even though we have cars bigger than some people's homes, we love ourselves and celebrate by shooting our guns and yelling "Yeehaw!" Texas is great. We're home of Dr. Pepper, The Blue Bell factory, and chicken fried steak. We have oceans, deserts and everything in between. Along with all of this, we look damn good in cowboy hats.

 

Dead Amphibians

     I have a family of toads living around my house, and for some reason they keep on dying in weird poses. So far, I have found two of them.

      This first one was found on May 18th. I had actually seen it in that same spot, but alive, when I was heading out to school earlier that morning. It must have not realized that Houston is not a city in which you can hang out outside without burning yourself, because when I came back I see it holding its two front arms to Jesus Frog. What's even worse is that later that night I went to mosque, and when I came back another alive toad was there staring at it and probably crying for not saving him.

     And then today, May 23rd I come back from school and see this. I first thought it was alive, but when I nudged it with my foot it didn't move. I then realized that this toad is just has stupid as the other. It went outside when the sun was at its peak and died! Either that or it committed suicide. Which is also dumb.

30 Things

     My brain has come to a screeching halt because of finals. I'm being forced to relearn all these unnecessary facts about people I don't care about and then throw them back up, so I don't end up living in a box. It's exciting. Due to my lack of creativity, I asked around to see if others would come up with a topic that I could write about. Their replies were disgusting. The best one was...

Make a list of 30 things that people should know about you.

So, because I have nothing better to bring to the table, here goes. I apologize in advance.

1. If you use glitter. I hate you.
2. I think Anderson Cooper's hair is fabulous. (Anderson if you are reading this, I love you.)
3. Coffee, honey mustard, Ginger Ale and my mother's chicken pot pie are my drugs.
4. People that don't respect your parents are dumb.
5. I think the CIA is onto something.
6. I have a collection of Entertainment and Time magazines that I refuse to throw out.
7. 4th grade is a waste of time.
8. Watching people take tests is hilarious.
9. Giraffes are my favorite animals.
10. I can eat rice with chopsticks.
11. I can also juggle.
12. My underwear gets ironed.
13. I am the worst at remembering birthdays and important days of the year. I even forgot my own birthday...twice.
14. I like the cold weather months (Probably, because I live in a city that can be mistaken for a furnace).
15. Jelly beans are ridiculous. 
16. Lazy teachers should not be allowed to yell at their kids for being lazy (You know who you are).
17. Laugh, laugh laugh!
18. Look at the footprints on the ceiling!!!
19. Castle and its hairporn.
20. I don't do the whole hugging thing.
21. I question why I am making this list.
22. If I could have anyone over for dinner, dead or alive, I would have a ghetto version of myself over.
23. This sentence is in Spanish when you're not looking.
24. The smell of petrol is oddly intoxicating
25. Bless your soul with the holiest of waters if you have actually read all of this
26. I also suggest re-prioritizing your life
27. My penmanship is so atrocious that I have had teachers, even in high school, give me back work to redo because they cannot read it. 
28. Fact. People who say that they hate drama are normally in the most drama. 
29. I love to travel, but hate flying. I usually come out of the airplane looking like a zombie
30. Oh look! This is the last one. 

The Last Few Days

     The last few days of school are the worst. School officially ends on May 31, which is 10 days away. 10 days of review. 10 days of studying. 10 days of no sleep, and 10 days of exams. I look at all the elementary kids partying with sugar highs and I think "Why the freak do they deserve a party when all they did was show up and learn how not to poop in your pants! I have worked too hard to not deserve a cookie!"

     Teachers get all cranky too. It's like all of a sudden the kids have become a burden to them. Well, guess what? This is your job, and we hate the final few days just as much as you do. So, why don't we all cooperate for these final few days by avoiding each other. That's what I'm doing.

     All I ask for is to have a little bit of peace for the last 10 days. Before you know it the Houston sun will burn you more than the fires of hell. Which by the way is better than being stuck in school with people that have their panties in a wad.

What a mess...

Welcome to the Future

     Growing up sucks! I remember always wanting to be older thinking "WOW! It must be so cool to be 16 or 26 or whatever age that doesn't require you to iron your face." Well, I was wrong. If you are a reading this as a parent I would like you to bring a small human, preferably literate, to your computer. If you are a small human reading this, your folks may not be doing their best in parenting you and I apologize for corrupting your brain with the past posts.

Anyway, I thought I would write to these young ones.

Dear future adults of this world,

     I would like to start off by crushing your hopes. Being older sucks, school will get worse, and that guy/girl that you are throwing rocks at because you like him/her will probably become a drug addict.
     I remember going outside everyday to play kickball with my neighbors or climbing the brick wall in my backyard imagining it to be The Great Wall of China. I would do all my homework as fast as I could just so I could go out to play. But slowly, the 3 hours outside became 2 hours, and then 1 hour, until it became only a memory that I wish I could re-live for just one more day.
     I feel like you kids don't even do this stuff anymore. Now, I'm not going to lie, technology is awesome, but what happened to playing pretend or jumping around with a sugar overdose? It's like you're not even trying to be a kid.
     Don't grow up too fast. You'll regret it once you realize how much of a hot mess this world is.

                                                                             From,
                                                                             The 16 year old that wishes she could have it all back




   

The Good Guy and the One I Hate

     The first episode of the Bachelorette concluded just a while ago and just like every year I have one guy that I root for. This year is *drum roll* dadadadadadadda

Arie!!

     This guy is the race car driver, and he is one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. I have a feeling that he has already driven into a special place in Emily's heart because of his bold career. He seems like the shy- but- hilarious kind of guy and to me that is perfect for Emily. I have high hopes Arie! Do not let me down!

And of course you have that one guy that messes EVERYTHING up!

Kaylen

     First of all, his mouth looks deformed. Second, he's from Houston, and normally I would be on his team, but this guy is an asswipe. Congratulations that you own a helicopter that looks like a candy cane, it makes up for your lack of reproductive organs. He is this season's "guy that you love to hate on" and he does a great job since it seems like he was the man that made everyone else cry. Rude.

Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day to my favorite Kenyan!

That's right! She's African

Duct Tape

Here is a list of things that you can do with duct tape:

• Give your self a wax job
• Shut someone up
• Tape someones hands and legs together
• Make a wallet
• Throw the roll at someone's head
• Wrap yourself with the sticky side up and then launch yourself onto someone, making you forever theirs
• Do the same as above, but then launch yourself onto a wall to see if you stick
• Fix household items

To the person that invented this marvelous creation. You forever have my love.

Even let it babysit for you

Milk Duds

     Time magazine, you did it. You had the gonads to have a 3 year old child sucking on her mother's mounds on the front cover, and I applaud you. Even the lucky lady in the picture looks proud, but I don't have high hopes for the kid. I can just see it now, 20 years from today that kid's mother is going to pull out this magazine from the memory box and show it to his lover. Every one will know that that he sucked on his mom's breasts for everyone in the nation to see and tears of pride will escape his eyes.

It must taste succulent!

     I don't see the problem breast feeding your kid for a little while, but there is a limit. No one wants to see your five year old running to you saying, "Mommy! Mommy! I want milk!" And then you handing him a boob. Let's keep it a rule of thumb, if your child can remember what your boobies look like you have gone on for too long. Deal?

Hello My Name Is...

Apparently my name is hard to pronounce. Either people are too impatient to take a moment to read my name or they are just plain illiterate. Jamila is not hard to say, but others make it so. Here is a list of things I have been called.

• Jamilia
• Jalila
• Jamalia
• Jamila, but sounded out like Hamila

And the best one... Jamaica. This one started out in English class. We were inputting our courses for the next year and the counselor that was there called me Jamaica. Is it that difficult to read!!! How did you get out of kindergarten? Today, it's a running joke in my class. Everyone including the teacher calls me Jamaica, mon!

I feel this song to be fitting. 

What if...

     What if Santa Claus is actually black? It's not like anyone has seen him to prove that he's not.I thought of this question when my friend told me that she always thought Santa was black when she was younger. I found this to be hysterical, until I thought about it. Why can't he be black?

We started to discuss things and here is what Black Santa would be like:

• Instead of saying "Ho Ho Ho!" it would be "Pimp Pimp Pimp!"
• Not milk, but Kool Aide
• He plays extremely loud music from his pimped out sleigh
• His name is actually Lil Santa C.

He would maybe look like this...

If I was Christian I would proud to have him bring me gifts.

The Real Meaning of MPH

How long would it take for someone running 10 mph to reach the edge of a cliff, then jump?

Hon, where did you go to elementary school? Because, we need to talk about this. Bless your husband's heart for dealing with you. If I were him, you would be rolling at 80 mph in the grass, because I would have thrown you out of the car.

I love people like this. They make my life. Thank you for being so dumb.

Musically Un-inclined

     I cannot play a musical instrument to save my life. I can't even play that stupid recorder I was forced to learn how to play when I was in elementary school. I remember the teacher looking at me and crossing her arms disapprovingly while I sounded like a dying bird. My music teacher tried to make learning this piece of trash "fun" by calling it recorder karate, and every time you succeeded at learning a new song you went up a "belt," which was actually a stupid piece of ribbon that got tied around the bottom of your recorder. Everyone in class, except for me and the kid that decided to blow into the recorder with his nose got to level 4. I remained defeated until I found out that the plastic that they used to make the recorder was very durable and can withstand the force of hitting a human head without breaking.

  

   Now singing. Has anyone heard a whale? Or do you remember Dory in Finding Nemo and her attempt to speak the language of whale? That's what I sound like. My singing voice is like Kim Kardashian's whining. No one wants to hear it. The only thing that accepts my voice is Rock Band. Even then, it's just me making really high or low pitched squeals to match what the game wants. Simon Cowell would have a blast.

Jamila Vs. The Roach

     Insects bug me. They are gross, stupid, and don't deserve anyone's love. I especially hate cockroaches, and this fear started when I was in the 6th grade.

     It was about 6 o'clock in the morning and I was waking up for another day of school when I heard this popping sound in between my blinds and my window. Being the curious soul I am, I decide to open my blinds. The second I do, this big, fat ass roach decides to fly right into my face. I screamed while I continuously slapped myself trying to get the roach off of me. At the same time my mom runs in thinking I was dying, but instead, sees me violently reacting to the flying roach and probably thought that I needed to be checked into a mental institution.
   
     Once the ginormous bug was off, I quickly ran to get the can of Raid to drug, and hopefully overdose that little bundle of joy. I sprayed the room making sure it caused instant death and then quickly left for school knowing that it would be waiting for me when I returned.

8 hours later:

     I returned from school and found that roach, but this time...He was dead. I started off verbally abusing it and  secretly hoping that it's ghost would hear me. I then got the vacuum from the closet under the stairs and sucked up the vermin into oblivion.

     I'm not usually the one to get scared of things popping out at me, but bugs are the exception. If you want to see me flailing away in fear, this is the way to do it, but remember, pulling a stunt like this will also earn you a palm to the face and a foot up your glory hole.

That's right! Where's your God now you little pooper nugget!

The Epitome of my Frustration

People are dumb.

Why do all these females do this duck face thing in their pictures? You look like a platypus. Platypuses are not cute and neither are you. Stand up like a normal person, maybe put an arm around someone and smile or make a crazy face, whatever floats your boat. Just do not do the duck face. I will sink that boat you are on.

I's sure this is how the girls practice the duckface

Another thing is YOLO. Drake, this is unacceptable. Please, I beg of everyone that uses this...don't. Obviously you only live once, even if you are a Hindu or a Buddhist or any other religion that has a rebirth system, you only live once as the person you are. People die. That's the point.

One last thing:



Looks like he's gotten himself into a sticky situation.
If you're planning on messing with people, go ahead. I actually support people that do, but don't be stupid like this child. *sigh* I hope he doesn't reproduce.

Stupids

Dear people that tried to ding-dong ditch my house at 10 PM,

     Well, you sure got me! What will I ever do? Idiots... First of all, what are you doing out in the middle of the Houston suburbs at this hour? You're not going to find anything. I hate to break it to you, but bed time is at 8 o'clock here. The soccer moms do not approve of this behavior. Go home! I'm trying to watch The Office.

                                                                                                    Sincerely,

                                                                                                         Jamila 

The Bachelorette

It's that time of year again! Yes, the Bachelorette is back and they just announced the 25 low-life men that will be on this season. This means that everyone reading this will get my personal input of these wonderful men vying for the heart of Emily Maynard and her teeth.

Before we begin that, let us look at the prize that one man will get to penetrate at the end of this journey.

From the last season that she was on, Emily wasn't half bad in terms of drama and personality. She was actually the winner and was this close to getting married to Brad Womack, but because this is the Bachelor/Bachelorette, they broke it off, and America cried in tears of 'sadness'.

Anyway, back to the men.

Here are our contenders and their profiles according to abc.com...


Aaron

Age: 36
Occupation: Biology Teacher
Hometown: North Sydney, Nova Scotia, Canada

Do you like to go out dancing? If yes, what is your preferred type of dancing?
No. Unfortunately I am rather shy when it comes to that. I'm pretty good at bobbing my head to the beat while sitting though!

Describe your idea of the ultimate date?
I've been on dates in a variety of settings but very few of them (if any) had conversation that was stimulating, funny, thought provoking, etc. all rolled into one. I guess what I am saying is its the person I'm with more than the activity of the date that really determines if it is an ultimate date or not.

Do you prefer a woman who wants to be pursued or a woman who pursues you and why?
Because I am relatively shy on making that initial contact, I love it when a woman pursues me. It shows confidence and that she's not your average woman. Hot.

What is the trait you most dislike in yourself?
Sometimes I prepare too much for the future and don't live enough for today when I can enjoy it most. Who knows if I will be here tomorrow!

Tattoo Count: 
0

The first thing that came to mind from his outfit was Harry Potter. He looks like a Hufflepuff, and based on his info, I'm pretty sure I'm right. AVADA KEDAVRA!
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Alejandro

Age: 25
Occupation: Mushroom Farmer
Hometown: Medellin, Colombia

If you were stranded on a desert island, what 3 things would you bring with you and why?
A picture of my mom so I can keep fighting, a knife, and duct tape (that stuff always comes in handy!).

Do you prefer "hot spot" type clubs or low-key bars and why?
Depends on the night - if I'm celebrating I like to go big, but otherwise low key nights are a blast.

Do you consider yourself a romantic and why?
Yeah - my mom always says that a good man provides for his family, but a better man makes his girl fall in love with him every single day.

What super power would you choose to have? Why?
See the future so I can change it! 

Tattoo Count: 
N/A

Lady Gaga your man has arrived. Not only is his name the same as the one you were yelling about in a certain song, but he has 'shrooms.  Also, how does a picture of your mom let you keep fighting? Are you going to throw that picture at your enemies and give them a paper cut?
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Alessandro

Age: 30
Occupation: Grain Merchant
Hometown: Uberlandia, Brazil

Who do you admire the most in the world and why?
My mom for being an example for anyone on how to raise a family and for taking such good care of my Dad.

Do you speak any languages other than English?
Portuguese and Spanish

What is your greatest extravagance?
I spend too much money on outdoor gear.

Do you like to go dancing? If yes what is your preferred type of dancing?
Yes. Anything, electronic the most.

Tattoo Count: 
1

Location:
Left Arm

What has this world come to? I know we're only three people in on this list, but do we really need to drag all the other countries into this mess? 
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Arie

Age: 30
Occupation: Race Car Driver
Hometown: Den Bosch, Netherlands

What is your greatest achievement to date?
Driving in the INDY 500!

Do you consider yourself romantic and why?
Yes. I think the definition of romance is putting your partner first. I believe I do that!

What's your best date memory?
When we took my motorcycle and rode to the park for a picnic. After we rode to the lake and went cliff jumping, it was an awesome day.

What is your motto?
Drive fast take chances.

Tattoo Count: 
2

Locations: 
Arm and Ribs


I bet you this guy is going to last for quite a bit since Emily's last husband was a race car driver before her died. I smell a crap load of roses for this guy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Brent

Age: 41
Occupation: Technology Salesman
Hometown: Midland, TX

What are your favorite activities to do in a group?
Love pulling out the boat in the summer and loading everyone up spending the day on the lake. Soccer, golf, etc.

Do you consider yourself a romantic and why?
I'm a closet romantic. I only show the one I'm in love with.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Being with your life partner and sharing memories and always making more.

What is your motto?
Never give up. 

Tattoo Count: 
6

Locations: 
Arms, Legs, Chest and Back

Finally, an American, and I am not proud to say that he just happens to be a Texan. Also, this guy is like 15 years older than her. He should change his motto and give up. Now.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Charlie

Age: 32
Occupation: Recruiter
Hometown: Worchester, MA

Do you have any pets, if so what kind?
Yes, English Bulldog

What is your greatest fear?
RATS!!!

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Every dog fed and every child with a roof over his head.

What is your motto?
Live everyday like it's your last

Tattoo Count: 
2

Location:
Right and Left Arms


This guy isn't horrible looking, I'll give him that, but he is BORING!!!! I would send him home. I bet his dogs miss him.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chris

Age: 25
Occupation: Corporate Sales Director
Hometown: Bartlett, IL

Do you consider yourself a neat or messy or in between?
Definitely in between. When I'm at home, everybody has to be neat and tidy. When I’m at work, I would say my office is an organized mess. 

Who are your top 3 favorite groups/artists & why?
Rascal Faltts – Their music seriously gives me goose bumps
Zac Brown Band – Awesome chilling music
Johnny Cash – Rebellious 

Do you consider yourself a romantic and why? 
Yes because I'm always trying to find the net best way to romanticize a woman.

Do you prefer a woman who wants to be pursued or a woman who pursues you?
A woman who wants to be pursued. I like a girl that plays hard to get. It's like a competition. 

Tattoo Count: 
0


According to his answer on the second to last question, he has come to the right place. Good luck, young grasshopper.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David

Age: 33
Occupation: Singer/Songwriter
Hometown: Charlottesville, VA

What is your most embarrassing moment?
On stage at a packed venue I dragged my keyboard over about a foot and it was situated under a boom stand which was there by catapulted into the 3rd row. In the live recording you can hear the clamor and unanimous "OHHH" from the crowd. 

Who are your top 3 favorite groups/artists & why?
Nirvana, Pink Floyd, Soundgarden have all inspired me ineffably.

Do you consider yourself a romantic and why? 
Absolutely. When I'm romantically involved with someone they consume so much of my attention. I find myself smitten and day dreaming about her often.

What is your worst date memory?
I went out on a date with a girl who was a fan and everything started out beautifully and after just a couple drinks she spiraled into this emotional tirade about how she knew she "wasn't good enough" for me. I realized she had some serious issues *upstairs*.

Tattoo Count: 
0


This guy sounds like a creep. Also, what does *upstairs* mean? Her mounds? Her face? Way to accept someone for who they are...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Doug

Age: 33
Occupation: Real Estate Agent
Hometown: Seattle, WA

If you were stranded on a desert island what 3 things would you bring with you and why?
Salt water to fresh water kit, a fishing pole with appropriate lures and a flare gun with lots of flares

If you wanted to impress a woman what would you do and why?
Be there very time they needed me so that they know I was dependable. Not enough guys know how to take care of people anymore.

I hate it when my date:
Is hard to talk to or rude to people or only cares about superficial things.

What's your best date memory?
A really long hug at the end of a first date with my ex. Neither one of us wanted to let the other go. It was nice.

Tattoo Count: 
2

Locations:
Back and Ribs

Finally! A guy who answers the 'desert island' question with things that make sense. If he doesn't get the girl, at least we know that Bear Grylls will love him.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jackson

Age: 29
Occupation: Fitness Model
Hometown: Chicago, IL

If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why?
Derek Jeter - He not only plays but is one of the all-time greats at my favorite sport, baseball. Also he is like a god in New York City, the greatest city in the world.

What super power would you choose to have? Why?
Flying - I'd never sit in traffic again.

What's your worst date memory?
Girl asked me where I thought "this" was going at dinner on the first date. I was speechless for the first time in my life.

What is your motto?
The future is no place to put your better days 

Tattoo Count: 
0

Ahh. It wouldn't be the Bachelorette without a model. Jackson, you have a lot to live up to.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jean-Paul

Age: 35
Occupation: Marine Biologist
Hometown: Moraga, CA

What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done?
Quitting my job, selling everything I own and jumping on a plane to travel the world for 6 months - all within 3 weeks.

Who is your favorite author?
Malcolm Gladwell right now.  I'm very interested in Behavioral Psychology and his books are so well written and easy to read.

Describe your idea of the ultimate date? 
Sitting on the beach under the stars wrapped in a blanket talking about our greatest fears, biggest dreams and life. There would be tons of cool stuff before that, but this is how it would end.

What superpower would you choose to have and why?
Pacifier powers. So I could calm people down preventing wars & conflicts and just get people to chill out.

Tattoo Count: 
0

This guy looks ridiculous. Who just goes off and sells everything? At least put it into storage or something, so you have a bed to sleep on when you stop smoking whatever is you're smoking. And pacifier powers...You are not something I want in my mouth.
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Jef

Age: 27
Occupation: Entrepreneur
Hometown: St. George, UT

What are your 3 worst attributes?
Impatient, Perfectionist, Fun Loving

Do you prefer "hot spot" type clubs or low-key bars and why?
Low key I like to talk

Do you consider yourself romantic and why?
Absolutely. I always have been more than anyone I know.

What is your greatest regret?
Not playing soccer for any of the teams that recruited me after high school because I "thought" I was in love.

Tattoo Count: 
1

Location:
Arm/wrist


I honestly think that the wildest thing this man has done is spell his name with one 'F'
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Joe

Age: 27
Occupation: Field Energy Advisor
Hometown: Orlando, FL

Would you say you're a little bit country or more of a city person?
I can do both. I drive a truck and own cowboy boots and a hat. I hunt fish and am from the south. But I also can get dressed up and hit the city for a night out on the town.

Who is your favorite actor and why?
Paul Newman because of how much he gave back. He donated all profits and royalties from his food company to charity.

I love it when my date:
Is smiling contagiously. If she's happy, I'm happy.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Having no regrets, not worrying about money and having the best life partner in the whole world!!!

Tattoo Count: 
0

This guy is so average that I don't even have anything to say.
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John

Age: 30
Occupation: Data Destruction Specialist
Hometown: St. Louis, MO

Do you like being the center of attention or do you prefer being more mysterious and why?
A little bit of both--I don't like to show all my cards.

Do you prefer team sports or solo sports and why?
Solo--I want all the pressure on me.

Describe your ultimate date?
Cooking dinner, drinking wine with a roaring fire and a movie.

What is your motto?
You only live once, experience as much as possible so you can be a great story teller to your grandkids. 

Tattoo Count: 
0

He sounded good up until his motto. YOLO is dumb.
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 Kalon

Age: 27
Occupation: Luxury Brand Consultant
Hometown: Houston, TX

Do you like being the center of attention or do you prefer being more mysterious and why?
I like my girlfriend to be the center of attention so I'm still in the spotlight but the focus is on her and not me.

Do you prefer team sports or solo sports and why?
Team. I like being the best on a team and having the pressure of people relying on me.

What is your ideal mate's personality like?
Overwhelming as to take the pressure off of me.

What is your motto?
You only live once...but if you live like me, once is enough - Frank Sinatra

Tattoo Count: 
0

Looks like I get a representative from my Hometown! But this guy says he doesn't want any sort of spotlight or attention or whatever, and he's on TV.
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Kyle

Age: 29
Occupation: Financial Advisor
Hometown: Long Beach, CA

Who do you admire most in the world and why?
My Dad! I have always looked up to him. He is happy, successful, raised an amazing family and, always fun to be around. He is everything I strive to be.

Who are your top 3 all-time favorite movies?
Zoolander, The Notebook, Point Break

What is your biggest date fear?
Getting denied if I go in for a kiss.

What is your motto?
You only live once.

Tattoo Count: 
0

YOLO ONCE AGAIN!!!!!!!! Kyle, I need you to go to a corner and think about your words. This is probably the reason females deny the kisses you try to go for. That, and the fact The Notebook is one of your favorite movies.
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Lerone

Age: 29
Occupation: Real Estate Consultant
Hometown: Laguna Beach, CA

What is your most embarrassing moment?
Losing my trunks in the ocean and trying to run up the beach naked.

Do you prefer a woman who wants to be pursued or a woman who pursues and why?
I can appreciate a woman who is classy and might want to be pursued, however when the chemistry is there, it's obvious.

If you wanted to impress a woman, what would you do and why?
I would cook her dinner, make her laugh, and be myself.

What is your most marked characteristic?
I’m comfortable in my own skin.

Tattoo Count: 
0

I interested to know if this man was put on because they think he's a good match or because of the lawsuit they just went through about not putting black people on the show.
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Michael

Age: 26
Occupation: Rehab Consultant
Hometown: Tahoka, TX

If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why?
Ryan Gosling. He's young, talented, and powerful. He's made something of himself and that gives him lots of choices in life. I want choices.

Who are your top 3 favorite groups/artists & why?
John Mayer - His storytelling/lyrics and songwriting
Bruno Mars - He's unique
Justin Timberlake - He's innovative and a pioneer

Do you consider yourself romantic and why?
Yes because I pay attention to what women like. Also, I'm not afraid to go the extra mile to make something perfect. I love surprising people.

What is your idea mates personality like?
Happy, optimistic, understanding, nurturing, spiritual and honest.

Tattoo Count: 
0

He needs to get rid of that hair. It's gross.
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Nate

Age: 25
Occupation: Accountant
Hometown: Scottsdale, AZ

Who do you admire most in the world and why?
My Parents - their love for each other is what I hope to achieve with my wife someday. They have been married for over 30 years and they love, respect and trust each other like no other couple I have ever seen.

What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done?
I’ve skinny dipped a few times.

Do you like being the center of attention or do you prefer being more mysterious and why? 
Center of attention – I believe I put here on earth to lead people and spark up enthusiasm within them 

What is your greatest regret? 
How I handled my last relationship, but I learned a lot. 

Tattoo Count: 
0

HINT: If you want to win, go skinny dipping with Emily. It worked last season.
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Randy

Age: 30
Occupation: Marketing Manager
Hometown: Oak Creek, WI

What is your favorite childhood memory?
Wow what a question...I think Sunday morning Packer Games. The whole family would be together.

I hate it when my date:
Doesn't get my jokes.

What is your biggest date fear?
Sitting there with nothing to talk about.

What is your motto?
Nothing is so bad that you can't get through it. Enjoy life

Tattoo Count: 
2

Locations
Right and Left Shoulders

Maybe your date doesn't get your jokes because they're bad.
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Ryan 

Age: 31
Occupation: Pro Sports Trainer
Hometown: Augusta, GA

Who is your favorite artist and why?
I believe athleticism is the "Art" of movement. Michael Jordan was an incredible Artist. 

Do you consider yourself a romantic and why?
Yes! I love to make a woman "feel" whether it's appreciated, thought of, loved, wanted, and I believe actions can be taken to draw these emotions.

What is your biggest date fear?
I'll be bored to death.

What is your greatest regret?
Not stick up and fighting for my brother when we were young. It never happened again. 

Tattoo Count: 
0

$20 says that the story about him not saving his brother will be the only conversation he and Emily have.
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Sean

Age: 28
Occupation: Insurance Agent
Hometown: Dallas, TX

What is your greatest achievement to date?
Earned a full scholarship to college through football.

Which U.S. city is the most romantic to you and why?
New York City - It's so big yet so inviting. So many great places to go in NYC.

What is your biggest date fear?
Forgetting my wallet.

What is your motto?
If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?

Tattoo Count: 
0


YES! One person's motto that I agree with. I also agree with his favorite city. I like this guy. Unfortunately, he's probably not going to win, and that is shameful. 
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Stevie

Age: 26
Occupation: Party MC
Hometown: Monroe Township, NJ

If you could be someone for just one day, who would it be and why?
Justin Timberlake because I would love to be able to sing for a crowd of screaming fans.

Which U.S. city is the most romantic to you and why?
Las Vegas because you have everything at your finger tips.

What is the most romantic present you have ever received and why?
A 25-page book all about us with every internet conversation, picture, movie tickets, notes, etc.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
When everyday you have something to look forward to.

Tattoo Count: 
0

Is this a joke.
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Tony

Age: 31
Occupation: Lumber Trader
Hometown: Beaverton, OR

What is your most embarrassing moment?
Hopped a small fence on the Vegas strip, caught my slacks, ripped my pants all the way off with a big crowd watching. Glad I didn't go commando that day!

If you wanted to approach a woman you had never met before, how would you go about it?
I wouldn't just come up and say "Hi, I'm Tony." I would compliment her or if she was looking at a menu, I would say something about it that was funny. Humor is the best ice breaker.

Do you consider yourself romantic and why?
Very much so, because when I am with someone who I think is very special, I'm always thinking about romantic things I can do for them.

What is your favorite journey?
Life! It's definitely a journey, and I love everything it has to offer!

Tattoo Count: 
0

This guy deserves a pat on the back for being one of the most normal and sane sounding guys. Bravo!
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Travis

Age: 30
Occupation: Advertising Sales Rep
Hometown: Madison, MS

Would you say you're a little bit country or more of a city person?
Being from Mississippi of course I'm going to be a country boy. But people don't consider me to be because of the way I dress and carry myself. I tend to be a little 'Metro'.

What's your best date memory?
Dinner, then we took the boat out to the middle of the lake and drank wine while staring off into the sky full of stars.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Muhammad Ali: He was a champion and knew he had you as soon as he walked into a room. I loved his confidence & swagger.

What is your motto?
Life is too short to sit around and be unhappy. Live life to the fullest and keep people smiling!

Tattoo Count: 
0

He was fine until he said "swagger."
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Well, there you have it! From what I can tell, I think this season will be quite interesting. I heard that someone cries. This show is so dumb.

Watch this mess on May 14th at 9:30/8:30c!