It's MARVELous

If you think that it's a bird or a plane, you need to get to an ophthalmologist, ASAP!

Now, I love superheroes! I've been reading comics for quite sometime and I would like to share my personal opinion on some of the more famous ones.

NANANANANANANANA BATMAAAAAANNN!!!! That's right! The Dark Knight! The reason that I like this guano making superhero is because he has no actual powers. He fights people like Penguin, Joker, and Two-Face with his über-cool gadgets and tank like car, all while making love to Selina Kyle, Talia al Ghul, and Pamela Isly. Without Batman, Gotham is screwed, because the police there cannot seem to control it's people.

Don't you just love steroids?

Another wonderful specimen of the freak population is Flash. This guy can punch you so fast you'll be hit in the face about 1000 times before you even realize he's also punched you where the sun don't shine. What else is cool, you ask? Well, he can also control the flow of energy between things. This power is stupid, but basically, he can throw rocks in which you think are going at regular speed, but are actually going Flash fast. Before you know it, you have 7 million rocks being thrown at your head. This, ladies and gentlemen, is why Flash is cool. Period.

Unfortunately, not all superheros are fantabulous. Take Spiderman. He is a wuss and acts like a girl, plus that outfit is ridiculous. No one needs to see that. His power is lame too. It doesn't seem plausible to swing from building to building with webs. Also, who lets a spider bite you? Whenever I see one, my first instinct is to verbally abuse it and then smack it with an un-human like rage. Seriously, Stan Lee, can't you make pterodactyl type superhero or something?

I wonder what shoots out of there...

The thing with superheros and reading comics is that it promotes imagination and creates more awesome people. I encourage you to make your own superhero and display it to the unforgiving world in which you reside in. Just don't do this:

No one needs this.

Funny, Hilarious, and Nothing but the Truth

I make it a point in my life to have as much laughter as humanly possible, whether I'm the one causing it or not. And it seems that my self-deprecating, condescending, and often borderline obnoxious ways of seeing the world brings joy in the dark and ugly hearts of humans.

A few days ago, I was conversing with one of my teachers and she asked me, "What makes you laugh?" At that moment I wasn't able to answer her, but after a few days of pondering, I can. The answer is complete and utter stupidity. Mindless things, really. Almost all of them involving amusing myself by watching other people try to get out of difficult situations, most of which I created. It happens a lot when I get bored, especially in school or when I have spare time on my hands.

Another thing that I find joy in is laughing at people like The Kardashians, Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, or Snoop Dogg. They are such a mess. People like that deserve to be laughed at, and I hate it when they take offense in it. Seriously? You make zillions of dollars doing all this stuff and you can't even laugh at your self?

Same people need to take life a little more lightly. Find humor in whatever you feel like. Go kick a person in the zaboomafoo or tell a corny joke, because no one likes people that have something stuck up their butt.

Keep it a personal rule like mine, laugh loudly, laugh at others, and most importantly laugh at yourself as often as possible.

Someone must have fallen really badly for me to be laughing like this.

These Fools

I have a low tolerance for people. Especially the dumb ones, but out of the 7 billion people in this world I can always go to these two freaks.

Meet Ruqaiya.

Notice how short she is

She has weird thumbs, but I accept them. I often question why in the world she likes me, because our personalities are very different. The only thing that brings us together is our humor. Her quirky and VERY sarcastic humor complements my no nonsense type. Together, we cause a lot of commotion from playing mindless little pranks to subtly making someone go insane. Finger hug! (We'll let your imagination take over for that one).


This is Zahra.

This picture sums up the relationship quite nicely

She is a hot mess, but I still seem to like her. Besides the fact that she is infatuated with the people of Eastern Asia, which concerns me greatly, her life is probably the most socially acceptable out of the three of us. Zahra is also, almost always, the target of my mental, physical, and sexual harassment. I'm still waiting for the day that she gets back at me for all of this. Until then, I will forever give her the 'you are stupid' look.

I love them.

Got malk?

*sigh*
This is ridiculous.

First of all, I want to skip to the middle of this video. Specifically, to the part where Mr. Speech Impediment said that the guy's hand was like a brother to him (1:32). That guy must have been a VERY good friend. I can just see the bedroom scene starting off with one of the guys seducing the other by saying "Is that a gun in your pants or are you just happy to see me?"

Another thing. Did they really need to fight over this? The whole video could have been cut to about 20 seconds if the guy in the green shirt would have just gotten up to get the cow boob juice himself. It would have saved everyone from a lot of yelling.

The best part of all of this was the fact that the black guy had a white dad.

Unattractive

Dear Americans,

If you are have any one or more of the following, a pedophile style mustache , New Balance sneakers, and/or a turtleneck, you need to burn them. Now.

Facial hair in general is not a problem. I'm surrounded by hairy faced men (and the occasional women) quite often, but if you have a mustache that makes even the stupidest children quickly run toward their mommies, you have a problem. I'm also sure that it makes you less intelligent. I feel like it blocks cognitive abilities and makes your IQ equivalent to a banana peel. So, do everyone a favor and shave it off!

Another no-no is those dumb New Balance shoes. You are not allowed to wear them unless you are the owner of a billion dollar company named after a fruit, and you're not, because you would be dead.

Lastly, turtlenecks. I saw three people wear them today at school, and every time I saw them I couldn't help but think about how much they looked like llamas. Malnourished ones too. It was disgusting. A lot of people must be saying "How are you one to tell us? You don't even wear normal clothes!" Well, Capt. Obvious, I may not wear a shirt and jeans, but I do know that these three things are not something you find attractive. If you do, you're probably Howard Wolowitz. In that case, you're still not attractive.

Yours truly,
Jamila

What do you have to say for your self Dr. Phil?

Uneven Ratio

My name is Jamila and I am a Muslim. Unfortunately, some people can't seem to comprehend this. Especially at school, but then again the student-teacher-idiot ratio is completely out of whack. I wear my traditional clothes to school (They're very comfy. I wear my PJ's under them), so naturally I get asked questions. Here's the deal, I don't mind answering your questions, but I do advise that you think very hard about what you're about to ask me. A stupid question will be answered by a smart-ass remark.

Like I said, the number of people with an IQ lower than Kim Kardashian is ridiculous, and of course they are the ones to ask me the stupid questions. This includes:

- Do you speak muslim?
- Do you ever get a rash from wearing all that cloth?
- Do you have more than one of those outfits?
- Can I see what you wear under that? (By the way, person who asked me that, you are repulsive!)

So people, what do you have to say for yourselves?

These days the questions are asked on a daily basis, and I have learned that I am able to amuse myself greatly with a well thought out story. My personal favorite being the day a bimbo got enough brain power to talk to me.

Bimbo: Do you shower in that?
Me: In what?
Bimbo: In your outfit.
Me: sarcastically Yes.
Bimbo: Really? So how do you have so many colors?

At this point I just couldn't resist.

Me: Pulling out the end of my headphone wire that was in my pocket Well, you see this wire? I just plug it into the computer and program the colors!
Bimbo: Wow! That really works?
Me: Oh yea! Works like a charm!

This idiot tried to continue this conversation, but I was this close to hi five-ing her face.

Now, if you will excuse me I need to go and convince a Buddhist that he owes me money from three lifetimes ago.

This is what my outfit looks like

16 and NOT Pregnant.

These years especially, I always get told "Wow! You're getting so tall!" or "Oh my goodness! You're getting so big!" even "You're getting so much older!" First of all, time does seem to do that to a person, and second, if you're one of those people that I see on a regular basis and you're telling me this I promise you my cell division is not as rapid as you think it is.

Though these are the ones I hear most often, the one I frown most upon is "So? When are you going to have kids?" At this point you will be given the 'You are stupid' look along with the laugh that makes them feel better and grants my wish for you to walk away tall.

Unfortunately, I'm not always lucky. Sometimes, I get those nuggets who keep pressing to know exactly when I will become a human cannon or who do I think the lucky guy is going to be, and recently I have given up on supplying an answer. I now reply with "Oh. I don't know." And I get this look like I'm now a child beater.

Here's the thing. I work with kids every summer and I have come to the conclusion that all kids are butt holes. Including my future ones, but the difference is, my kids are my pooper nuggets and I will forever love them. I get people telling me all the time "Oh wow! You're so great with kids!" or "My son/daughter loves you!" The reason for this is because they're not my kids! I'm not going to go up to your child and scream at him! That makes no sense! "Oh hey kids! YOU SUCK!" No. That's stupid... Also, when I do have a tiny human, I kinda hope they have my husband's personality. I don't think the world can handle another Jamila harassing them all the time. I do that enough.

This is me most probably emotionally harassing someone.