Korean Love

     My infatuation with North Korean dictators began a long time ago. Maybe it's because of their secrecy, maybe it's the fact that you can make fun of them and you know that they probably will never see it, who knows? All I know is that I seem to have some sort of weird attachment to them, and that is probably why learning that the current supreme leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, is married quickly became the highlight of my day.

Nice hair

     Before today, I always just assumed that he was either against marriage or gay. Mostly gay. But our friends at CNN reported today that our fruity North Korean leader has in fact been married since 2009 to a lady named, Ri Sol Ju. There go my chances.

Aren't they cute!

     According to the media, people had been seeing this mysterious lady at a bunch of different events, but couldn't figure out who she was. Until today! Apparently, she's a singer and has made a bunch of appearances outside of Korea, which means going to one of her concerts is now at the top of my bucket list. Other than that not much is known about her. Kinda boring. I was hoping for some sort of crazy super secret to leak out, like they have a secret child that they are turning into a South Korean eating robot.

     I am curious to know how the Koreans reacted to this. That is, if they even know... We seem to have pierced a pretty big hole in their force field. Maybe, they can finally use this hole to successfully launch that dumb rocket. 

Bachelor Pad

     Well, it's back and has more drama than ever! Bachelor Pad 3 is going to hit your TV screens tonight! And I'm about to go through each and every person to tell you why they fail at life!

Pictures are from abc.com

     For the first time in Bachelor Pad they are adding people that claim them selves to be super fans. This means that they have never been on any past shows in the Bachelor franchise. They probably added them because they couldn't find anymore people with no brain or morals.
  
    Our first two are these twins. Let's just say I see a three way happening.

     Never in my life have I pictured grown men, even less, a SWAT team officer, watching a show like this. If I was his superior, I would have stripped him of not only his SWAT card, but also his man card.

     I believe Blakeley was in Ben's season. Who, by the way, is the guy that has a mop in replacement of his hair. I think she will do just phenomenal this season, due to the fact that she never failed to let every one know that she was indeed large breasted. Way to make the females proud.

     Another super fan! One who also dresses in layers. Gay.

     Oh Ed! For those of you guys with a life, he was in Jillian Harris's season, and he was the winner. Unfortunately, he decided to be a butt hole and cheat on her, which of course led to their break up. He seems to be one of those types that just creates his own drama.

     Erica is the type of person that gives blondes their stereotype. Also, she talks liikeee thiiis, as if she is thinking extremely hard about what she needs to say next, so that the sentence is comprehendable. It's either that or the botox is hindering her speech.

     I don't remember this chick, but she looks like a soccer mom. I don't know why, she just does. Deal with it.

     Jamie was also in Mop Head's season, and if I remember correctly, she was the one who awkwardly sat on Ben's lap trying to kiss him while instructing him to kiss a certain way. "OK with tongue. Now tilt your head this way. Now this way" 

     Looks like she dropped her education to come onto this show. Good move.

     He's baaaaack! Hopefully, no one that likes him has kids, or else they're going to have to ride in the trunk of his car, because his Porsche doesn't have room.

     I believe that Lindzi was one of the last few, if not one of the final two, left in Ben's season. I had hopes for her, and now they're all gone.

     This guy is hopeless. He won Bachelor Pad last season with his ex-fiancee, who then took half the money and ran away with a dentist, leaving poor Michael with the other half of the jackpot and a broken heart. Apparently, that wan't enough for him.

     I don't remember this guy either, but seeing as he is a trainer, he probably has a good body. I recommend he use this body to stay in the game.

     Once she gets voted off, she needs to watch her self on the Jumbo Tron. Maybe, it will open her eyes and show her what she's done.

     I liked her, and I have a feeling that a lot of guys will too. Her motorbike chic type personality and look will get her far.

     Reid was also on Jillian's season. Actually, he was one of the final two, maybe three. All I know is that Ed won the girl that he loved, while he got nothing but a plane ticket back to Amish country.

     Chris is one of the new people in the Bachelor family as he was in the latest season with Emily. He lost not only his girl, but also his mind. After this show, I think he may become a murderer based on his reaction to things in his season of the Bachelorette. He also looks like Gerard Butler.

     I have no idea who this is, but again, they put on a black guy most probably because of the lawsuit they faced a while ago.

     I think this chick just doesn't want her 15 minutes to end.

    Tony was also in the last season of the Bachelorette, and he cried the whole time he was there because he missed his kid, so what does he do? He leaves his kid again to do something I really hope he never has to know about

     So there you have it. Twenty people all trying to find 'love' is the most ridiculous way imaginable. If you want to lower your IQ, are stuck in a room with a TV that only turns on at 8/7c, or have no life, watch this tonight and every Monday on ABC.

The Hunger Games

     Ramadan is here and I am fully prepared to endure my 15 hour fasts for the next month. If you think that this much time is long, you haven't been up north...

     

     Many of you probably don't fully understand what Ramadan is and that's OK! I can tell you for sure that it is not a diet plan. It's a month where we put all the unnecessary things in life on hold to practice a little more self control and aim to make our self a better human. We still go along with every day business, but we do it with more kindness and love from our hearts. We learn to love you like we love our self. Of course, this is the month where my non-fasting brethren go to that freakishly delicious restaurant for lunch. Love you too guys!

     A lot of people have asked if Ramadan is difficult. It's not as bad as people think. Most people my age just become nocturnal for the month and learn to not talk as much, because your breath will kill anyone who smells it, including Voldemort.

     I am also forced to be a nicer person this month and practice good things. So, going along with that...

RAMADAN MUBARAK!

Air Travel

     Traveling is the best thing someone could do. Getting outside of the bubble that you live in and seeing other places and cultures is something that I wish I could do forever. The only thing that I find unsettling is the 'getting there' part.

     Air travel sucks. Just yesterday, I got back from my 40 day Kenyan adventure, which means I flew over 24 hours to get back to Houston (London stopover). Within the darkest day of my life I sat in a seat that probably contained an innumerable amount of bio hazards, including human farts, and a nine year old complaining about something no one cares about a row in front of me.

     The most concerning of the two flights was from London to Houston. The flight was completely full and in the row next to me I had a set of what looked like reverse Mormons. Two men, probably on their 50's flirting with a woman in the middle seat. They were acting like the teenager that I'm not, taking pictures together, sharing food with each other, and secretly wishing to be part of the Mile High Club. It was quite the party they were having.

     For this flight, British Airways was the lucky airline company that got to fly yours truly. Their service is fine and the inside of the plane is just like all the others. The only thing that was off was the complementary barf bag that is provided for after you eat the toxic airplane food.

     As you can see, once you up-chuck, you should give this bag to one of the crew members. Um. Gross. Being a crew member must really suck. Not only do you have to deal with people throwing up, but people in general. Handing your stomach contents back is the equivalent to putting a bag of dog poo on someone's door.

Those smiles a fake and all of these people actually hate you

     And then you have the bathrooms... I make sure that I go before I get on a flight. The bathroom, or should I say 'lavatory,' could be easily mistaken as a coffin. Unfortunately, this flight was long and I had to go. When I walked into the lavatory I knew what it felt like to be a Jew during the Holocaust. The smell of human flatulence burned into my nostrils, my eyes started to water, and in that moment my life flashed before my eyes. I had to walk out. I held it in. I would rather have some sort of renal failure than have to walk into that again. 


     With all this being said, I encourage each and every person to travel. It's quite fun...

Homo-snack-tuals

Just last week, Oreo came out of the pantry with a new picture on their Facebook that supported gay pride.
 
   This picture caused a whole lot of commotion. Apperently, Oreo is not the world's favorite cookie anymore as the anti-gay community is boycotting Kraft just because Oreo decided to show some pride. Well, gay haters, looks like you're going to starve, because Kraft is the genius behind half the foods you eat! But hey, more Oreos for Emilie Paz and me!

    It's pretty sad to see the lack of tolerance we have. Even the rasicst people eat Oreos. And boycotting Oreos isn't going to make the gay people less gay or change the outlook of other people. From what I have seen, it looks like Oreo gained a lot more respect...and customers demanding to see this delicious Oreo in real life. Damn it Oreo! Why can't you make this cookie!
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