Ten Gallon Hats and My Pet Cow

     If you're ever in the southern part of the United States you should come visit Texas. The land of cowboy boots,  Ford F150's, and Republicans. Everyone here is proud of who they are, including me. Except, I don't fall into any of the categories I mentioned before, but that's OK!
   
     Texans have a certain pride that you don't find anywhere else. We make sure that everyone knows exactly who they're dealing with. Just to prove it, go out and pick off a random Japanese kid and draw him a picture of Texas. I bet you 20 armadillos that he'll know what it is. To take it a step further, we're the only state that devotes two years of history class to Texas history. You'll spend all of fourth and seventh grade learning about Texas and you'll finally understand why Sixflags is called what it is.

     As a red blooded Texan, living here is a roller coaster ride, but one thing is always certain, the people never forget the southern hospitality, unless you're driving. The driving here is a nightmare, and it's because it's our only form of transportation. There are no taxis, because that's just weird. There is a metro system, but no one uses it, unless you're in the middle of downtown Houston, and walking is not possible unless a) you want to burn or b) you want your legs to fall off, because the nearest thing to your house is about 3 miles away. Remember, besides our friendly, isolated state, Alaska, Texas is the biggest state. When we build, we build out, not up. That's why you can drive for an hour and still be in Houston.

     The best thing about living in Texas is the Rodeo. Every February thousands of people come to Houston to buy and sell their farm animals, play carnival games, get a heart attacks from eating fried butter balls, and at the end of the day, enjoy live music from some famous singer who had the gonads to perform.

     Even though we have cars bigger than some people's homes, we love ourselves and celebrate by shooting our guns and yelling "Yeehaw!" Texas is great. We're home of Dr. Pepper, The Blue Bell factory, and chicken fried steak. We have oceans, deserts and everything in between. Along with all of this, we look damn good in cowboy hats.

 

Welcome to the Future

     Growing up sucks! I remember always wanting to be older thinking "WOW! It must be so cool to be 16 or 26 or whatever age that doesn't require you to iron your face." Well, I was wrong. If you are a reading this as a parent I would like you to bring a small human, preferably literate, to your computer. If you are a small human reading this, your folks may not be doing their best in parenting you and I apologize for corrupting your brain with the past posts.

Anyway, I thought I would write to these young ones.

Dear future adults of this world,

     I would like to start off by crushing your hopes. Being older sucks, school will get worse, and that guy/girl that you are throwing rocks at because you like him/her will probably become a drug addict.
     I remember going outside everyday to play kickball with my neighbors or climbing the brick wall in my backyard imagining it to be The Great Wall of China. I would do all my homework as fast as I could just so I could go out to play. But slowly, the 3 hours outside became 2 hours, and then 1 hour, until it became only a memory that I wish I could re-live for just one more day.
     I feel like you kids don't even do this stuff anymore. Now, I'm not going to lie, technology is awesome, but what happened to playing pretend or jumping around with a sugar overdose? It's like you're not even trying to be a kid.
     Don't grow up too fast. You'll regret it once you realize how much of a hot mess this world is.

                                                                             From,
                                                                             The 16 year old that wishes she could have it all back




   

Funny, Hilarious, and Nothing but the Truth

I make it a point in my life to have as much laughter as humanly possible, whether I'm the one causing it or not. And it seems that my self-deprecating, condescending, and often borderline obnoxious ways of seeing the world brings joy in the dark and ugly hearts of humans.

A few days ago, I was conversing with one of my teachers and she asked me, "What makes you laugh?" At that moment I wasn't able to answer her, but after a few days of pondering, I can. The answer is complete and utter stupidity. Mindless things, really. Almost all of them involving amusing myself by watching other people try to get out of difficult situations, most of which I created. It happens a lot when I get bored, especially in school or when I have spare time on my hands.

Another thing that I find joy in is laughing at people like The Kardashians, Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, or Snoop Dogg. They are such a mess. People like that deserve to be laughed at, and I hate it when they take offense in it. Seriously? You make zillions of dollars doing all this stuff and you can't even laugh at your self?

Same people need to take life a little more lightly. Find humor in whatever you feel like. Go kick a person in the zaboomafoo or tell a corny joke, because no one likes people that have something stuck up their butt.

Keep it a personal rule like mine, laugh loudly, laugh at others, and most importantly laugh at yourself as often as possible.

Someone must have fallen really badly for me to be laughing like this.