I cannot play a musical instrument to save my life. I can't even play that stupid recorder I was forced to learn how to play when I was in elementary school. I remember the teacher looking at me and crossing her arms disapprovingly while I sounded like a dying bird. My music teacher tried to make learning this piece of trash "fun" by calling it recorder karate, and every time you succeeded at learning a new song you went up a "belt," which was actually a stupid piece of ribbon that got tied around the bottom of your recorder. Everyone in class, except for me and the kid that decided to blow into the recorder with his nose got to level 4. I remained defeated until I found out that the plastic that they used to make the recorder was very durable and can withstand the force of hitting a human head without breaking.
Now singing. Has anyone heard a whale? Or do you remember Dory in Finding Nemo and her attempt to speak the language of whale? That's what I sound like. My singing voice is like Kim Kardashian's whining. No one wants to hear it. The only thing that accepts my voice is Rock Band. Even then, it's just me making really high or low pitched squeals to match what the game wants. Simon Cowell would have a blast.
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