Creatures of Doom

     There are animals and things crawling everywhere here in Kenya. There are literally so many that I can open up my own wildlife foundation in my back yard. The worst are the monkeys. Those little pooper nuggets are most active during dawn and dusk, which means that when I am trying to sleep they decide to have a dance party on top of the metal roof right outside my door. What a joy. I wish I could join them. 

     There are also many questionable insects. Besides the normal flies and mosquitoes, you have things like millipedes. These look like worms, but bigger and blacker and with more legs. I'm pretty sure they are also poisonous, which is why I scream like a little girl when I see one. I have realized that they are also attracted to meat, because they were crawling all over one of the steaks we were cooking one night. So, CIA if you are reading this I have a new torture method for you guys. I also question your priorities. 

     If anyone is interested in any of these animals, please let me know so that I may change your mind, because these two wonderful critters, plus more, have been written on my hit list. Where is my gun!

This is not a piece of poo, but a millipede

One of the many monkeys 

Another one of those butt holes

African Junk Food

     I have been eating nonstop for the past three weeks and I still lost five pounds. I realized, that even though the whole continent's food is going into my stomach, it's not fattening. I'm not eating things like Cheetos, cake, and juces filled with more crap than actual fruity liquid. My chips are fresh yucca plants fried to a crisp with lime, I have replaced Twinkies with palm hearts, and my juice is freshly squeezed from fruits that are sold down the road. Also, coconuts. I have been drinking/eating a lot of coconut.

Palm heart

    No wonder so many people in America complain about their weight! No one eats right. I hate to break it to you guys, but it's not the dress that makes you look fat, it's the fat that makes you look fat. Lose the fries, add some carrots, take a run, and you'll get into shape. And don't say that you already are in shape. Round is not a shape.

The Giraffes

     Fact. My favorite animals are giraffes. Fact. You can feed these fantabulous animals in Nairobi, Kenya's giraffe center.

     The only thing about these animals that I dislike is that they eat half of your hand along with the food that you give them. When you're done feeding them your hand comes out of their mouth looking like it went through a birth canal. If you think that's gross, at least I wasn't like other people who decided to put the feed on their own tongue and then feed the giraffes like that. That. Is NASTY! Even though I heart these animals, I don't want Girafficaly Transmitted Diseases. I'm too young for that.

     With this adventure, part one of two of my giraffe related dreams has come true. All I need now is to find a place that I can ride on their necks and let it gallop into the savanna sunset.

Jamila Goes to Africa

Dear readers of this ridiculous blog,

     For the next 40 days I will be in Africa. Yes, Africa. Specifically in Nairobi and Mombasa, Kenya. I will spend half of my summer with giraffes, elephants, and African Americans. Therefore, I encourage you to listen to this song every time you read this blog within the next month.

              

                                                                                                            Na mengi ya upendo,

                                                                                                                         Jamila